hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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