I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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