So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
