my phone needs a breathalizer
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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