Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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