Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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