I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
