community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
