WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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