Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
