Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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