Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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