oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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