Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
