Dude, just got a bummer.
A blow job from a homeless chick.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
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We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
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You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.