im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?