Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
