pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
