I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
