is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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