She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
