new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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