i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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