they need to just BURY HIM!
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
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