I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
