So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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