ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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