so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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