Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
