Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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