I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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