That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
