he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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