i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
