wanna go halves on a baby?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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