Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
