She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
