Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
