had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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