So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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