that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
