Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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