everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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