first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
