i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
