did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
