the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
