Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
