dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
