A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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