So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
