took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
