this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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