im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
