Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
