no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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