just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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