singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
