There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
