My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
