The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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