If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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