I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
