apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
