If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
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