it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i love accidental penises.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
