just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
