Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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