Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
