YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
