Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
