How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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