my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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